google-site-verification: google935433b691795853.html KRISTY BERRIDGE: 2012-07-15

Saturday, 21 July 2012

Bessy

Who is Bessy you might ask? Well, I'm almost too embarrassed to say. No, it's not the pretty pony I wished for on my tenth birthday, my nosey next door neighbour, or that creepy girl at the gym that eyeballs my ass during Pilates.
Bessy is a car.
Bessy is a car that belongs to my mother. And yes, right now she is hollering at my post, sentences like 'don't you make fun of my Bessy!' or 'really, you're giving me shit about my car again?'.
I love my mum. She is the most loyal and wonderful person I know. She is even completely loyal to her piece-of-crap car that should have been dumped in the pacific several years ago.
So why don't I like Bessy? Oh, let me count the ways.
For one, Bessy was almost certainly f@#ked up during production. No amount of Japanese engineering was going to give this car any more lift or vitality that didn't already come from the cardboard box they assembled it from. Bessy stands at about five feet tall - a fantastic height for small children and gnomes, but for the rest of us - chiropractic hell as we literally bend ourselves in half to slide into the passenger seat.
Undoubtedly Bessy could be mistakenly considered a race/sports car to the unknowing observer, but those are usually comments from the 'made in China team' or dumbasses that truly believe that 'red' makes it go faster. Perhaps the red would make it go faster ... if it wasn't peeling away from the bodywork in chunks.

Alas, at least the air-conditioning system is a bonus. In fact, this is pretty much a must considering that the electronic windows don't retract. I can distinctly remember sweating bullets when I pressed the down button one fateful day, only to watch the window disappear into the deep, dark pocket of the door, never to be seen again. Removal of the door panel and several wasted hours of my father's time saw the window restored to it's former state - forever closed.
But does it end there? Could Bessy possibly be any more f@#ked up?
Hell yes. The door handles rip off when you try to close the doors. And, coincidentally, the only thing to grab onto when trying to close the door is an open window, but if you've just made the mistake of winding down the window - you're back at square one again!
Ahh, so I've been telling my mother for a long time that her car should have been recalled. In fact we joked about it only last week. Well, I joked about it and she did a lot of scowling and explaining to Bessy that I was just being mean. Anyway, it all came to a head when we went out for dinner. We'd lapped the city a few times, looking for a decent car park when mum decided we'd park Bessy in the underground car park under the Casino. Imagine my delight and raucous laughter when she pulled up to the ticket box, remembered she couldn't wind down her window and had to climb out of the car to grab a ticket. Closing the door? Sure, grab the lower plastic pocket, pull hard and hope you swing your legs back in time before the car gobbles up your ankles.
Classic.
But, despite Bessy's unsettling amount of flaws, mum loves her dearly and refuses to trade her in. I have to admire that sort of dedication. So this post is an ode not necessarily to Bessy, but to her owner - a woman I love to bits - a woman that gives up on nothing and no one. You have to admire the persistence to endure and the love of a car that should be recycled into tin cans.

Kristy :)

Friday, 20 July 2012

Follow Friday #37


Happy Friday everyone!
Yes, it’s that time of week again where bloggers unite to participate in the Follow Friday venture. The idea behind #FF is to promote traffic to your own blog, make new friends with other like-minded bloggers and discuss new and interesting topics each week.
Participating is simple. First you need to follow my blog because I’m totally awesome, then you can follow me on Twitter @kristyberridge (actually you don’t have to do this, it’s wishful thinking), but do follow my blog or assassins will get you …
Then you must follow our illustrious hosts Rachel of http://www.parajunkee.com/ and Alison of http://www.alisoncanread.com/ If you want more details on how to enter your own blog in the follow and hop, all directions are on their webpages
Now, once you’ve followed, check out my answer to this week’s questions and don’t forget to leave a comment so I can do the right thing and follow you back!

This week's question: Christmas in July! Someone gives you a giftcard for two books (whatever that costs). What two books will you buy?

My answer: Well, that's pretty darn easy for me. For one, I'm hoping the voucher comes from Big W or Target, or something similar where the books are really cheap. With my stingeyness, I'll be picking up the second and third book in the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy because I just have to know what happens. And, since these stores are cheap enough that pocket change is inevitable, I'll probably pick up a book about French architecture and design. Sometimes I miss being an interior designer, but I'll never give up writing!
Ooh, by the way, thanks to that someone who gave me an imaginary voucher that I can't actually use. I guess I'll just have to sit on the couch and imagine these books sitting on my coffee table. *pouts*
Happy Friday ... might be happier with a voucher ... hint, hint.

Kristy :)

Wednesday, 18 July 2012

The Missing Kristy

You may have noticed I've had a 'Fifty Shades of Grey' review posted on my blog for well over a week. Yes, I did enjoy the book, but no, I didn't leave it up to emphasize this point. I have been AWOL - at a wedding to be precise.
So for this wedding I have traveled far and wide, starting with Friday night, yet another Follow Friday meme I missed due to social engagements (look out, the Hobbit's getting popular). Anyway, the festivities kicked off with a great (but long-winded) dinner on Friday night. Mind you, with a three hour wait, I would have eaten the tablecloth and the bloody waitress by the time 10.00pm rolled around. Saturday morning I was up early to catch the boat to a beautiful Island off the coast. A quick laugh at a green mother, a friend who couldn't pull her nose out of Fifty Shades of Grey, and thirty minutes of fretting about possible shark attacks and we were on the Island. From there it was primping and preening, spack-fill for the wrinkles, and control-top panty hose for all the dessert I inevitably devoured.
Needless to say the wedding was absolutely perfect, and I did my best to ruin every photo with a crazy-ass expressions. So, I'm just going to let the pictures speak a thousand words and show you the short version of my unbelievably, non-alcoholic fueled shenanigans. Yes. I was sober.
On another note. I made my friends and family stars - you know, just to protect their identity. No one wanted to admit they were with me on the night.



Okay, so there are like a gazillion more where they came from. But, I'm not posting so you can point fingers, merely to provide proof of life. I am still here, back in business and ready to blog about useless crap once more *cups ear to hear round of applause*. Well ... anyway ... thanks for tuning in, and I'll see you all soon!

Kristy :)