google-site-verification: google935433b691795853.html KRISTY BERRIDGE: 2011-10-23

Saturday, 29 October 2011

My Third Leg

Okay, so it's occurred to me that I sometimes say things without truly thinking through the meaning behind them. For instance, recently I've been complaining to a few of my friends that I've gained a couple of kilos. Of course, the chocolate I've been eating has absolutely nothing to do with it.
Anyway, so I've been running around saying to friends and believe it or not, advertising in twitter posts, that I need to stop eating junk because I'm developing a third leg. Little did I know that this seemingly innocent jest is actually a euphemism for a fella with a really big ...
Yeah, so I've been running around telling people I'm growing my very own ... um ... penis. So, despite how scientifically interesting that may be to a lot of people, I have to admit that I'm not packing anything extra at the moment except for some wayward cellulite.
So this little slip in my knowledge base got me thinking about other things we think we are legitimately saying that are actually making others snicker behind our backs. I personally have to admit that I've been laughing at a certain family member for several months. Whenever she learns new information that she wants to pass on, she always says 'I just wanted to give you a good thumbs up' instead of 'A head's up'. People just aren't sure if she's congratulating them, soliciting them, or trying to warn them.
Anyway, I'd be interested to see what you all come up with too - keep me posted!

Kristy :)

Friday, 28 October 2011

Follow Friday #5

It's Follow Friday time again. You know the drill, show some love to our illustrious hosts - Alison of http://www.alisoncanread.com/ and Rachel of http://www.parajunkee.com/ Once you are following them, follow me. It's very bad karma if you don't. Birds will probably crap all over you.
The idea is support your fellow bloggers. I'm intending to do the same, just make sure you leave a comment under this week's questions so I know where to find you. There's nothing worse than a stalking blogger!

This week's question:
If you could have dinner with your favourite book character, who would you eat with and what would you serve?

Answer: This is a tough question. I don't have favourite characters because I read so many books - everyone special in so many different ways. But, if I'm being a bit naughty, I'd take Frost from Laurell.K.Hamilton's Merry Gentry series. You gotta love a broken bad boy with a hot bod. And what would I serve? Um ... me?

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Things you just don't say ...

I was at work today, thoroughly more efficient than ever, and finding myself without a decent amount of work to keep my ever wandering mind occupied. So I started to think about all the ways we add to spoken sentences within our head but never actually say them out loud. I'm referring to the unsung profanities that generally follow a perfectly decent and seemingly innocent statement or question.
Today for instance, a colleague of mine was attempting to wrangle some young children in the waiting room who were deeply rooted by a colouring-in obsession. These kids weren't especially open to ceasing this seemingly enjoyable activity, and they made no qualms about telling her as much. Negotiations opened, but I could see that she was losing them. Finally she said, 'Come on, kids, up you get, just bring you're colouring-in books with you.'.
Now, it may just be me, but during the pause that followed, I imagined her thinking, 'Because if you don't get up now, I'm going to shove those pencils right up your butt.' Perhaps it's just me, but it rang as clear as day inside my head, if not with a few more expletives thrown in.
She's a lot more patient than I am.
But wait there's more, a few of them I've listed here. Let's see if you concur ...
1. 'Yeah you look great in that! ...... When the lights are off and my eyes are closed!'
2. 'I'm doing the <insert activity here> ...... What does it look like you f@#!king idiot!'
3. 'No thanks, I'm not hungry ...... You're cooking tastes like crap.'
4. 'No, your driving is fine ...... As long as I'm not in the car.'
5. 'No I didn't fart! ...... Much ...'
6. 'You're pimple's not that bad ...... Though NASA may send a probe to be sure.'
7. 'I'd love to go out on Saturday ...... Until I get a better offer.'
8. 'I'm sorry ...... As if.'
9. 'Oh, you want to know where to put that? ...... I'll show you where you can put it ...'
There's probably a million more, but this was all I could think of right now. I've used a few of them myself this week. I often wonder what the world would be like without the in-built censor button. Why don't you leave some comments and let me know what you've said lately that you wish you could have added out loud.
Have a good one,

Kristy :)